How to Live Laugh & Love You Taught Me All
by Shiori the Weaver of Dreams
Summary: Based on the song Joker writ from Miku's POV.Miku's mother died when she was only 6.9 years later life has become almost unbearable for the 15 year old with the abuse from her step-father. Full summary inside.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own the Vocaloid corporation, any of its songs and or characters.

**Author's Note: **I've actually been working on this fic for about half a year kinda starting it on an on again off again process. So now that I've finally decided to publish it I hope you guys like it. I also apologize in advance if you find that the characters are rather OOC but I'm working from only the one song. None of the other elements of this story have anything to do with any of the other songs. Well it might but I don't think that it will.

**PLEASE REVIEW WHEN YOU'RE DONE X3**

**Summary:**This is basically a slight song-fic based off of Miku Hatsune's song Joker. Though really it only served as a foundation from which I could further build and evolve the original story. Miku Hatsune is a 15 year old achoholic who leads a very depressing life until she is saved by a man of blue (Kaito) While her step-father abuses her she finds comfort in the pictures that she draws, her voice, and her love for Kaito. Though slowly she descends into madness... well you'll just have to read it you want to find out. Written mostly from Miku's POV.

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_It's a JOKER's job to never feel the hurt in life_  
_It's a JOKER's life to laugh through streams of stabbing pain_  
_It's a JOKER's duty to feel humiliation_  
_It's a JOKER's love to welcome the oncoming pain_

_Though no matter how much they hurt me_  
_I'll always kill them in the end_  
_Laughing at their searing pain_  
_For that's a JOKER's lust to be consumed by the taste of blood_

_Prologue_

It wasn't my fault... it had _never_ been my fault. Was I in the wrong that my heart was captivated by his charm. How could I have known he would break the love that had been brewing so deep within my soul. But I look back to where it all started and as I feel the nostalgic tears flowing down my cheeks. My world was so lonely before I had met him. There was no sunlight or warmth for me. No reason to live, love, or even to dream. But he changed that all for me he showed me the beauty of my world. Of the silver moon and how comforting the coldness really was. He gave me a reason to live even if I had to kill to get it. He showed me he would be my only reason to love. He taught me a delicate dream is nothing compared to a beautiful nightmare. I look back to that day which I remember so vividly I can almost feel the touch of his fingers on my skin and hear the sweetness of his voice... but that was a time so very long ago.

xXxxXx

I sat there alone sketching in my book which I had filled with so many of my ideas. The graphite pencil moved slowly back and forth creating many different hues of gray that created a multitude of shades. Which in turn transformed themselves into pictures in which life seemed to flow from. These were the only things that were able to keep me alive in this meaningless world. Until he came to me that day... it was on that day that I discovered the beauty of the song of life once again. At first he was merely sitting on a bench across from the one I was sitting on. He seemed to be staring at me intently in question and perhaps wonder. I disregarded him for as long I could but suddenly I noticed he was gone from his original spot. As I could feel his breath on my neck as he stared at me from behind. Snapping my book shut I turned angrily to tell him to back off before I called the police. But before I could say anything I was caught in the depth of his deep blue eyes. In that moment they opened up a whole new world to me. They seemed to stare into my soul in a healing way. Making me forget all the hardships I had known before this.

"Excuse me" he said snapping me out of my reverie. "I didn't mean to startle you but your pictures... well they amaze me. They have captured my interest and I would like to ask you if I could purchase one."

I blankly stared at him too shocked to speak.

"Oh I'm sorry" he said with a small laugh "have a startled you? I assure you I'm not a stalker or anything of the sort. But if it wouldn't be a hassle may I ask you your name?"

Sitting in silence for a few minutes staring at the drawing which laid in my lap, finally I answered him. "Ha-hatsune Miku."

"Miku," he said in far off voice, "what a nice name. I'm Shion Kaito."

After this we began to talk of other things our interests in art and other subjects. Soon our meetings became more and more frequent as we were engrossed with the others company. He meant the world to me making me forgot the hate that lived in my life. Even if it was only for a few hours at a time he made me remember what it felt like to be happy, wanted, ... even loved. He became my guardian angel I was so happy that I almost forgot the sad and troubling event that had overtaken me so many years ago and how the spawn of its aftermath still plagued me today. But when he left me and it was time to return home. That melancholy feeling would return to me stronger than before. As I sat in my bedroom looking back to that day was set so many more years in the past. So many sad and depressing years before...

_Flashback_

"Mama, mama!" cried a little girl of about six tears streaming from her eyes. She clutched the hand of her mother which was slowly growing limp.

"Miku my dear" came the weak voice the woman who was lying on her white bed of death. "Miku my angel I'm so sorry I won't be there to watch you grow up. How I will miss your sweet voice ringing in my ears. Prom-promise me this" she said her breathing becoming laboured "that you will... sing to me... when I'm in heaven... and I promise to you... that I will always listen. Love Daddy... enough for the both of us... my... sweet" her voice now barely above a whisper. "I-I'm sorry... I must... leave you... now but know... that I will alwa-"

Her head rolled to the side her beautiful eyes closing for the last time. The hand that her daughter was holding fell limp as lifeless as a rag doll. Now and forever joining that fabled land of angels leaving her precious child alone in the world.

"It is finally over" said a doctor in a white lab coat solemnly lowering his hands to cover the dead woman's face with a white cloth.

"Mama" sobbed the little girl crying even harder than before grabbing onto the lifeless body of her mother. Burying her face into her hand which was already starting to grow cold. She felt a tug on her arm as her father tried to pull her away. "No!" she screamed "I'll never leave her!" As her father vainly tried to take his daughter away from his dead wife's body she kept on kicking and screaming. Finally she managed to wiggle away and she ran out of the door still sobbing and crying. Running as her tears blinded her she finally found an empty room. Here she huddled herself into a corner crying for hours until she was finally found by some nurses.

xXxxXx

"It is always hard for a child to lose a parent." said the doctor who had pronounced Miku's mother dead.

"Hmm" grunted her father.

"Will you not go to comfort her? Surely this is a hard time for the both of you."

"I could try but truthfully that girl isn't even my true daughter."

"Ah, I see... so then she is now truly alone in this world."

The man nodded not seemingly to take interest in the subject but still mourning the loss of his wife.

xXxxXx

"Mama" she whispered drifting into a slumber "Mama I'll never leave you." With that her eyes fluttered shut as sleep finally claimed her.

_End Flashback_

It had been a hard time for both my step-father and I when my mother had fallen sick with cancer. Her chances of survival had been very low as the tumour had been caught at a very late stage... less than 15%. Yet she had insisted she go through with the customary radiation and chemotherapy. Even when the doctors advised her to fore go any sort of treatment and to just live out her last months comfortably. Regardless she still chose to fight. For what felt like a lifetime she fought for that 15% chance of survival if only to spend the rest of it with me her beloved daughter. She had battled hard and long with the tumour and the poison that was killing her body. I remember it so clearly when her radiant hair began falling out steadily as a result of the chemotherapy. How her body slowly become sickly and weak because of the radiation. But even through all that she had remained cheerful in front of me. And I in return never gave up the hope that someday we would all wake up from these events as if they had been nothing more than a bad nightmare.

She had actually even been looking better for a short period of time. It had been around my 6th birthday when it looked like the storm had finally passed. Promising me that after this last round the cancer inside her would be gone once and for all. And she had been right the tumour had been terminated that day. After all the fighting she had almost won against that 85% that said she would die. But it hadn't been the cancer that had taken her life it had been a result of it. Even though she was still very weak she had insisted she would be there for my birthday. It was that day she had contracted a severe and fatal sickness. Her body's immune system was still worn out from its previous battle. Its defences had been easily lowered and she had found herself in the hospital for a second time... and this time she would never leave it.

I could feel the hot tears streaming forth from my eyes at all the memories running through my head. The funeral procession, my mother's casket being lowered into the ground, as I had to be held back by restraining hands when they started to bury her the soil forever trapping her in the ground. Then I heard an angry voice call out my voice from below.

"Miku!" shouted the voice "get down here right now!"

Quickly I wiped away my tears putting on a stolid expression before I headed out to my caller.

"Yes," I said coming to face my step-father.

"Don't act so innocent I know you're drinking again the nurse called she said they found you out back drunk again."'

"So" I asked hoping that the fear in my eyes didn't show. Or that the pounding of my heart in my chest couldn't be heard.

"Damn you insolent girl! Are you asking for a beating?"

"No sir" Subconsciously I touched the arm he had almost broken with his last method of _discipline_. Thinking bitterly to myself that he would never understand the reasons why I was drinking. It wasn't because I wanted to it was because I _had_ to. I really didn't care at the age of 15 I was already an alcoholic. The taste itself meant nothing to me but when I felt that liquid that bit at the back of my throat like fire it helped me to forgot the things that pained me in life, it gave me the strength to continue in this world. Suddenly I felt a painful tug on the top of my head. Which brought me face to face with my step-father.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you" he sneered.

Forcing myself I tried to match the intensity with which burned within his eyes.

Finally he spoke again, "trash." he spat out "that's what you are nothing more than that."

"Funny," I said summoning up all my courage, "I could say the same thing about you."

With that I felt a fist connect with my cheek and the pain as it numbed my senses

"You will show me some respect or you can just get out... like your no good father did when he abandoned your mother."

The words stung me more than any other psychical pain could. Even after all these years I could not bring myself to believe that my father had abandoned my mother after he had found out she was pregnant. But what really wounded me was that he had walked out because of me. At times like these one question would always work its way into my mind; why didn't I just leave? It was obvious that my step-father and I both couldn't stand each other. But I knew the answer to my own question... I had always known it. It was obvious I would never be able to survive on the streets alone. However this was just an excuse from what really kept me going. What really kept me back was that I was afraid... afraid of having to fend for myself... to be completely alone in the world.

Slowly I raised my head in anguish too afraid to look my step-father in the eyes. "I'm sorry sir." I quietly mumbled.

"You aren't." His voice was harsh but it also sounded tired at the same time. Then I felt it the shock of a fist making contact with my stomach. This would only be the first of many that would rain upon my body that night... but I was fine with it my head was already in the clouds dreaming of that gleaming bottle which lay hidden so neatly under my bed.

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**Author's Note continued:**So what do you guys think so far, should I continue this? Constructive criticisms and comments are highly appreciated as well as comments just expressing your thoughts on the story so far.


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